Booze Philosophy: Jack and Johnnie

There are these times... Times, when a man is so beaten, so down to the ground, so out of breath and without the faintest trace of wind in his lungs, so bare of hope or courage, so devastated that he needs to retreat from the world. There are these times, when words don't help, but make everything worse. There are times, when we may think, we have only got one good friend: Jack Daniels. Or maybe his cousin Johnnie Walker.

Have you ever wondered, why a Whiskey was never named after a woman? Well, in case you haven't, I have. It's because that shit wouldn't sell, if it had a female name. Or can you imagine feeling like the scum of the earth and resort to a drink named "Bloody Mary"? Or "Margarita"? Or - even worse - "Virgin Caipi"? I can't. At times like these, you need a pal, who spares you yet another confrontation. You want something to just make the pain go away. Any girl - or drink named after a girl - can't render you that service, no Joe. What you're in dire need at times like these is for a quick remedy. It may burn and hurt even more, but it'll make that excruciating pain go away that had you in retreat in the first place. Yes, Jess. A quick shot down the throat that'll send searing pain down to your stomach and beyond. And then another one that makes you forget about the first one. And as you reach for the glass and bottle, you light a cigarette, take a deep drag that'll make your lungs feel as if they were going to burst the very next second and you'll extinguish that sensation by another pour of the bottle. Now we're getting somewhere! And as you keep partying with yourself and pouring straight shots (rocks are for whimps), you're welcoming that dizziness that puts a distance between your nagging mind and the pain that it leaves in your heart. Smart, Bud.

Slowly, but steadily you're getting the hang of it and you learn to latch on to that peculiar rhythm that smoke and booze have you dancing to. Awww, how easy, how good, how releaving - salvation.

Jack or Jonnie - they never let you down, don't they, pal?